CAVEAT: not for the fainthearted!
Ever since my heart was shattered due to amorous mis-encounters, my meaning of life nullified for failing to prove or disprove anything meaningful and my career incorrigibly confused consequentially, I have been feeling a mild yet endless heartbreak, as if the burning wounds from the past heartbreak have not fully healed. It is very similar to dysthymia, a chronic mild depression syndrome, that I unsurprisingly also suffer from. The suffering is however lamentably bearable enough for me to live with. Otherwise, I would have rebelled and lived differently. But very lazily I seem to vegetate towards the lowest forms of energy. Analogously, a frog accidentally jumping in a pot of boiling water might survive thanks to its fast reflex unlike another frog unawarely heated in a pot of water. This is what I call decadence. Decadence as I am. I am not playing the victim, obviously since I am the only reader of my blog and I seldom unveil my desolation in public. I hide it effectively with intensive sarcasm and black humor. I am a seeker of truth and I know that things are best studied when diseased or perturbed. But when will I be done studying my very miserable self? When will I give in to a mundane 8-5 job or a simple wife or a big family? When will I surrender to time? Will time tell? Only when I surrender, time will tell!
You don't know me, and I don't know you. But I came across your page from google and it's very interesting how someone feels the exact same as I do, my heart is continuously breaking. I just wanted to stop and tell you that I also suffer from dysthymia, and it moves me that someone expresses it in a way that I can't. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHey Colie, thank you so much for your heartfelt note and sincere empathy. I hope that by the time you read my comment you will be smiling for the happy person that you now are and own :)
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