je m'en voulais pas assez pour te mériter

Je me suis bourré la gueule, arraché les yeux, et bouffé le nez afin de t'en vouloir mais hélas je m'en voulais pas assez pour te mériter. Je ne te cherche point, mais l'amour qui te rendra belle et rendra hommage à ma recherche de temps perdu...

L'amour est aveugle pour que les amoureux ne puissent voir les douces folies qu'ils commettent . - William Shakespeare.  

I am the Mother of Artificial Immune Systems

I am aspiring to a postdoc in Artificial Immune Systems (AIS) at a warm and gay coastal resort such as Brazil, needless to mention that the founding father of AIS, Leandro De Castro, is Brazilian and lives in Brazil. However, to a great disappointment, he quit academia and science for business, thus making the field of AIS he fathered an orphan! The funny irony or pun is that I adopted AIS in my doctoral career before it was abandoned by its father which makes me and all those in the same boat, mothers of AIS. "Mother of artificial immune systems" is a title I have long held and to a certain extent bared! it allows me not only to celebrate Mother's day but be proud of my artificial immune system that was the basis of my dissertation, that was my baby, no pun intended!

No one is me(rri)er than me but am I who I want to be?

I don't know to what extent cognitive dissonance, in particular sour grapes, is influencing my daily decisions even those of writing this blog. I don't know for how long I will be haunted by the comfort zones that I have learned to build so effectively wherever I settle yet misprize for the sense of adventure and vigor that they slowly suck off my mortal life. I don't know whether I should be eternally grateful for what I have become or more grateful for all the things I have not become. No one is meer than me but am I who I want to be? 

Alas

Alas, I have cloyed you too!


Indeed, but I had no other choice as I have been cloyed myself until serendipity guided me towards you, a needle in a haystack. .

extra-extroverted

A man walks into a train scanning all the faces therin as if looking for someone but he does that everytime he takes a  train. I realise I am this man and I am looking for nothing more than inspiration.

There are days when I wake up jumping out of bed, experiencing an exquisite joy of being myself. By the time I have my morning shots of "ristretto", I am skipping steps as I climb or descend stairs, dancing as I wait for the train, greeting and conversing with strangers, that are ultra-vulnerable to the human connection as we individually share public space and time ...

Moral of the story: Try greeting strangers more often, even with just a smile.

On carpe diem and deferred happiness

Dad was a very ambitious artist and theater director until he married mom. Mom was a very ambitious student but had to quit school after she married dad. I seem to have inherited all of their ambitions that channel through arts and science but hardly find enough time or space in my life.

"The misfortune of my life is perhaps that I am interested in far too many things and not decidedly in some one thing; my interests are not all subordinated to one thing but are all co-ordinated." -Soren Kierkegaard


To gild the lily or add insult to injury (yet to be revealed), I have authored my own ambitious to do list that grows inexorably at astounding rates. You might refer to it as a carpe diem syndrome with bipolar outbreaks around birthday and new year memento-mori deadlines. Contrastly, with my longing for a eutopic stability that can be diagnosed with deferred happiness syndrome, I am nuked in a catch-22 situation that I have always characterized by the dilemma of "depth or breadth search" i.e. "master or jack of all trades"... I am left to choose between spreading myself too thin, or stuffing myself too thick.


So, should I elaborate further or move to a different topic et serait-il en espanol o in un altra idioma #%$?%??





R E B O O T

consumerism

Not only consumers of mass-producing and mass-polluting products have we become, but consumers of thoughts and quotes we barely understand or dare apply in our overly ambitious yet desperately impractical lives.

A fine illustration of the above is demonstrated in the way we broadcast wise quotes on social networks, often for the sole purpose of keeping up with fellow broadcasters or in order to satisfy fellow social-network consumers that reward us with dopamine-triggering self-gratifying comments, likes and the like.   

Spare a moment to think of what you post, why you do it and what significant consequences will it have. Consider instead picking up the phone and calling someone you care about, consider booking a train and paying them a visit.  Consider mailing your government about things that may improve your country and eventually the planet and its inhabitants...

I write this note as a reminder for myself (as well) to take such a pilgrimage and in a way be thankful for all we have. 

To the cowards fearing the end of the world

To the cowards fearing the end of the world, I dedicate those few thoughts, to those hypocrites that life is a commodity they cannot live without, to those selfishly unaware of victims of wars, hunger and poverty, to whom life is rather a burden they can barely live with, to those disturbed by heavy rain or a late train while others suffer in pain... I ask them gently to fuck off!

Spontaneity

Do not trust what we write or record for it is the least spontaneous of human expression. What we engrave does not concern the present. It is marked not to perish and therefore it addresses the future. It implies in a way that we might even betray our present beliefs in order to express projected future ones that we consider more rational but might not be as heartfelt or fully embraced. Whether it is an e-mail, a text message a facebook comment, a tweet, or ironically, a blog post, as rational beings, we are eventually accountable for what we publish. Contrarily, our now-so-rare face-to-face communication, that nears extinction and begs for modern definitions, is much more authentic to an arguable extent. Nonetheless, my readers, I just thought of this today and wanted to share it for all that has not been said or written! A caveat rationalitas latently prepends every published text, audio or video so beware of our future intentions every time you read us. 

L'hôpital

Cette vie est un hôpital où chaque malade est possédé du désir de changer de lit. -- C. Baudelaire

L'hôpital est un des lieux ou on peut vraiment apprécier les moindre gestes de la vie comme celles de pouvoir respirer sans douleurs, marcher sans tomber, et sentir ce qu'on a envie de voir, manger et écouter. Je travaille dans un hôpital et cet élément d'appréciation et d'être reconnaissant, m'est renaissant tous les jours. Je me nourris d'une quotidienneté riche d'âmes tumultueuses et douloureuses soit pour sois ou pour d'autres qui n'ont même pas eu le choix d'aimer. Telle enquête n'est guère une d'un schadenfreude qui s'amuse au misère des autres mais un enrichissmenet qui nous poser des questions comme: Comment serait notre vie sans une personne qu'on aime bien ou sans la possibilité de voir...

Au hasard de ma navigation cybernétique sur google maps, j'ai lu les meilleurs reviews (commentaires) sous mon hôpital, la pitié-salpêtrière ou la majorité avait commenté : "Cet hôpital m'a sauve la vie...". En revanche, je me demande, ceux qui ne sont plus parmi nous, peuvent-ils toujours laisser un commentaire?